This fierce competitor from the frozen north has a long and colorful background. Hailing from Siberia its popularity spread like vd across the face of Russia, Eastern Europe and on. And contrary to popular belief the Bolsheviks used frozen piroshkis (not guns and bayonets) to execute Czar Nicholas II and family in the basement of ipatiev house July 17, 1918. This tasty item is most commonly made with meat, though vegetables and sometimes fruit also make competent replacements.

Good times: Being Fried is always a plus. Russian cuisine doesn't get the credit it deserves.

Bad times: I am forced to procure mine from a Russian deli featuring a fish smell that won a class action suit against air.

This contender hailing from El Salvador appears most commonly with cheeses and beans. Because it is one of the most popular dishes of El Salvadorian cuisine they can be found almost everywhere El Salvadorians are (almost). And here's a fun fact, because they are so tasty it was a key factor in the El Salvadorian coup of 1903 by General Tomas Regalado, where he used pupusa's to distract the ruling government whilst he wrested power.

Good times: Two words, Fried Cheese

Bad times: They me remind of the Salvadorian woman who broke my heart, the only woman I ever loved...

The populist Chinese morsel is brought you by the same people who brought you other such delicacies as Civet (mountain cat) and Bambooo worms. Unlike Chinese iterations of music and driving this thing is great. Oddly enough Mao Zedong was holding a pork bun when he gave his speech "The Correct Handling of Contradictions Among the People." regarding his thoughts on China and Marxism in Febraury of 1957. Pork buns appear in those quaint chinese bakeries you may find in the "cultural" parts of town. If you haven't tried one I recommend you march into one of said bakeries and yell angrily (as is the custom) the name Cha Siu Bao and hold up a numeration of fingers indicating the quantity you desire.

Good times: This item is easy to find along side a cavalcade of other dim sum items where available. Good company is a bonus.

Bad times: When I was seven Riki Tiki Tambo no so Rambo Chari Bariuchi Pit Beri Pambo beat me up and took a Pork Bun I was eating.

This deficient example of simulated food was invented as bird cage liner for rich people, but was downgraded to "food" by one of the 28 families that run this entire country and deemed fit for us normal people (normies) in 1983. There are a plethora of complaints that could be made about this product from the rabbit turd shaped sausage chunks, enforcement of low quality freezer food, the mile long list of unpronounceable ingredients that are only elsewhere found in paint and hand grenades, and their irritating marketing campaign. I also want to focus on the fact that a technician eating a hot pocket which was too hot dropped the thing, which landed on a control panel in Houston launch control causing the space shuttle challenger to detach a crucial fuel line mid-takeoff leading to its explosion January 28th 1986. Needless to say the recommended microwave time causes the cheese to become too hot. God rest the astronauts it cost us to figure that out, and damn all the Hot Pockets, and Nestle who owns them that they haven't changed the recommended microwave time.

Good times: Kinda cheap, almost tastes like burnt dick when you're drunk.

Bad times: When I smell one of these it reminds me of why I can only get an erection after I kill a midget.