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 Baaaad Man - Greatest Hits
The "Greatest Hits" of Baaaad Man.
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The Simpsons Enter New Territory
Movie Review posted Thu May 03, 2007: 11:28 AM by Kai 10 Subtle Movie Cliches General Update posted Fri April 27, 2007: 7:01 PM by Kai Betting on Relationship Longevity General Update posted Fri April 20, 2007: 11:28 PM by Kai Video Game Alphabet Of Shame
Posted Fri January 05, 2007: 12:17 PMGame Review
A is for AI, awkward and cruel,
Opponents on easy dispatched by the spool. But set to expert, extraordinary, extreme, it feels most helplessly like getting raped by a team.
B is for Block Puzzles, when liberally sampled,
make us believe that common sense has been trampled. Producers stretch playtime seemingly hard to come by, leaving me longing to jam a nail in my eye.
C is for Cutscene, abruptly for story,
inserted to highlight plot points and glory. Though used without care, without planning, en banal, then unskippably, it is your attention span in pall.
D is for Duke Nukem Forever,
eternally pushing a rock towards never. The timeline and promise of the project overwhelms, Its amazing to think people still work at 3D Realms.
E is for EA, an Empire based on this credo:
"For mediocrity we have a mighty libido." Ripping off employees, and sequel based franchises, They shit on football, and sell crashing surprises.
F is for Fanboys, Defiers of logic,
easily offended in a manner almost gynecologic. With a fervor akin to a religious fanatic, their arguments, reasoning, and sanity are equally erratic.
G is for grinding, a nightmare where you cannot awaken,
It does not count as game-play, as it is most commonly mistaken. MMO's are doomed eternal, this chore to repeat, with imagination of game design in full retreat.
H is for Halo, a game most overrated,
Originally a pc/mac release 1999 it was dated. Bungie had troubles, and their IP's they did suffer, Oni, and Myth 3, had no money to buffer. They scrimped and they saved, to forge on ahead, Forfeiting their souls to Microsoft, ensuring damnation when dead. Now friends of the devil they visit hell invitation-ally, a group (who I've heard) chugs semen recreation-ally.
I is for In-game advertising galore,
Ad-space inserted, and demeaned like a whore. While innocent first steps might be minimally intrusive, the eventual ads for Viagra might be visually abusive.
J is for Jack Thomson, a lawyer supposed,
his lies and his lies and his lies become exposed, his facts all crooked become easily transposed, a movement to disbar would go smoothly unopposed.
K is for Ken Kutaragi, the man
who does all a Kutaragi can. His screaming helps PS3's fate remain hazy, and more to the point he comes off quite crazy.
L is for Lag, a malady quite straight,
oft responsible for a single digit frame-rate. Servers, providers and bottlenecks to blame, the biggest contributor to, console:quit game.
M is for Micro-Transactions, a concept still growing,
supposedly to help developers keep going. Designers aren't paid, for fake hats and equine - imaginary, and purchasing cheats, and demos is not cause to make merry.
N is for Next Gen, a status most elusive,
for patrons sans-hd, it is a club quite exclusive. Can the future be rendered by mere decree? Especially when games aren't even 1080p.
O is for Overrated, a term specifically IGN,
you can return shitty games, but its too late by then. They've got funders, with wallets, and balls made of brass, but were all aware their integrity can be found jammed up their ass.
P is for Patching, an activity most disputed,
too little, too late, or release day it is ill suited. Balancing and fixing many issues discarded, easily painting the patchers retarded.
Q is for Questing, for items specific,
takes effort and focus and time quite prolific. You'll gather ichor from exotic Ungoro prime-evil, and before booty bay, you'll visit a Scarlet Cathedral. 500 gold to buy a Felwood libation, then off to Stonard to gather arachnid lactation.
R is for Rumbling, a feature Sony misplaced,
but also a feature the Wii let go to waste. Now consoles sense motion, the controllers are wired, and lethargic hardcore gamers arms are getting tired.
S is for Stealth, an activity misunderstood,
appended to games without doing any good. A meter, some shadows, a stealth game needs more, you'll see enemies quite blind, while crawling to explore.
T is for Teamkilling a recreational sport,
even griefing is something [no FF] can retort. But continue to play, time gives you less fear, Just move on by labeling them all queer.
U is for Uber, for people deemed good,
possibly getting head-shots more often than they should. Are they really that talented, can they really dolphin hop? when will wall hacking, and trade exploits stop?
V is for Vagina, a commodity scarce to a gamer,
sadly not noted on the box as a disclaimer. The topic of games, is most confusing to ladies, the best way around this is to own a Mercedes.
W is for WW2, a genre most depleted,
to be played infinitely leaving the Allies undefeated. Over and over, up Omaha, Normandy, Paris - Berlin, I've killed millions of Nazi's completely without sin.
X is for Xbox Live, and its Voice system used with vigor,
its the first place a 12 year old called me a nigger. It helps in guiding your friends to a checkpoint, but when malfunctioning does much to disjoint.
Y is for Youtube, a service most useful,
for proving your claims of GoW bugs truthful. While helpful in showing Easter eggs most rare, its sadly conducive to mash-ups featuring Cher.
Z is for Zerg rush, a term born Korean and imported,
something I would have preferred aborted. Azn gamers and gaming remain strong in supply, get used to signing off "kthnksbai." |
