I love me some football, and I have fond memories of playing the game in all its forms, backyard, schoolyard, pants and video game types of football. This year EA Tiburon is rolling out another one of their fantabulous Madden releases, the second year after the NFLPA signed away rights so that only EA could create NFL related games. Last year's release had some exciting nuances, like the Xbox360 being more expensive with fewer features, and the PSP version being broken and lying about it to customers (I miss the days when they had a competent CQC department). In the grand scheme of Madden its steady as she goes with minimal feature updates year to year, and the festival of mediocrity that are the pre-season rosters that need to be updated mere days after release. So here now is the run down of absolutely new and unique "features" headlining in Madden 07.

FEATURES PREVIEW

This year EA utlizies the occult to magically keep the football in players hands. Notice how not even gravity or the force of knocking down another player can jar that pigskin from Carnell's hand.

Lead Blocker Control:
Throw the perfect block and create a running lane with all-new lead blocking control, and then take command of the tailback and rip off a big gain. Now you can experience what its like to be player 2 and have to lay blocks for the guy with the ball. Instead of being the ball carrier and being mad that the computer isn't blocking correctly for you, now you get to block and have the ball carrier not run correctly; The perfect circle. We figure this is better than just telling where your blockers to run for some reason, I'm not sure why, but the bottom line was it was really easy to add and we can list it as our biggest feature.



NFL Superstar: Hall of Fame Mode:
Play your way to the Pro Football Hall of Fame by taking complete control of any position on the field. Your actions on and off the field determine your impact on the game. Hall of fame mode, or as we crazy cats here at EA Tiburon call it "Pre-Madonna" mode is a mile a minute, edge of your seat action mode where you:
-Experience the button mashing thrills of being a Left Guard as you play for two years, get a knee injury and have your agent poison your career by asking for too much money after you get released.
-Gain a Terrell Owens level (or stage 15 level) of self-important arrogance, and become repugnant enough to speak about yourself in the third person.
-Get the brand new "Jail-Blazer" mode gives you an overview of how the league is keeping you out of prison.
We had this feature before but we decided to change a few of the menu styles and text layouts, I hope you enjoy it that one time you accidentally enter this menu. Apparently some 700,000 people called, emailed, or wrote to us last year saying they have never and will never use the "create a player" feature, but what do our customers know? Nothing that's what, now fuck off you little shits.

Players are more aero-dynamic in the 40" with their shoulder bones inverted.

Run Like the Players Run with the All-New Highlight Stick:
Bust out player-specific running styles matching those of real NFL players (e.g., smaller backs slash to break tackles, while bigger runners bowl over defenders in the open field). All-new jukes, cutbacks, and power moves. Finally some of the backs will do one move different from each other, again we saved a lot of money by having this only change one or two things tops for all the characters, it saved so much time/money you don't even know. Don't worry though, if you play deep into franchise mode the new players wont have any discerning moves and you'll end up just putting the game down till next year, thanks for the money.


Additions to Franchise Mode:
Scout collegiate prospects with the all-new NFL Draft Scouting System and the College All-Star Game, or watch players around the NFL impact their teams with the new Franchise Player Roles feature. Now with brand new menu's to ignore, and more depth to a worthless pre-season schedule. Why play football when you can endlessly watch our awful simulation mode that we could have improved years ago. We also took making bad picks on rookies even further this year by making you sit through more of it.

Madden 07 added a feature where you can dose up your expensive young Quarterback with opiates to calm him down. Look at the blank expression on Smith's face. Also notice Anthony Hargrove of the Rams totally not going for Smith.

Team-Specific Defensive Playbooks:
For the first time, use actual plays from your favorite team's defensive playbook to shut down the running game, pressure the quarterback, or force key turnovers. We all know you're dying to try out authentic Niners and Texan playbooks so you can suck like the pros. We guarantee you'll be back using two basic formations in no time nullifying 90% of the playbook.





Online Play:
Climb the leader board as you take on your biggest rivals from coast-to-coast in Play Now or Session Match games. This year we guarantee more 14 year old red necks swearing at you over the integrated audio chat. The same four or five exploits are still in the game, but far be it from us to pay attention to something after its been released, hah suckers. I'm not sure why mentioning online compatibility is on the list, but it hasn't gone away so its probably worth pretending its a brand new feature.


The Season Begins in Mini-Camp (XBOX 360 only):
Create a player then build up his attributes by running him through skill-based, combine-type mini-games. In the off-season use Mini-Camps to condition players or rehab injuries to get back on the field faster. Because people that played franchise seriously didn't restart the game when one of their star players got hurt, we added this feature, which isn't anything new, we applied something that was already in the game (injuries) to something else that was already in the game (mini-camps). Essentially we found a way to take up more time for something you found a way around a long time ago.

This is an accurate representation of the Cardinals running every which-way for no apparent reason, or as it has come to be known the "The Phoenix 4-5"

Madden Gamer Level (XBOX 360 only):
Track your career accomplishments in Franchise Mode to earn Madden Gamer Points, and then wager your rewards against the computer or against live online opponents to reach the ultimate reward: A mini-preview getting you amped up to buy next year's Madden. Who would have thought combining a completely standard feature like gamer points, and a worthless 30 second preview can be considered content, heh what a world.