The first reactions to the sandwich were positive about the supple nature of the corned beef, and high quality rye. Though within five minutes all of the participants had passed out. One guy was in mid step casually on his way to the bathroom when he collapsed and hit his head on a table really hard.

Remarkably they were each under for exactly one hour and 45 minutes. The effects of the sedative were not intended to be so strong, we were aiming for gentle buzz and reduction of pain, what we got was a Rush Limbaugh weekend K.O. The sauerkraut is too strong.

When they came too we saw that the first group's teeth had considerably improved, some had blood and swelling but were impressed with the work.

Different group, same effect. 6 women 6 men.

Same effect. 5 women three men.

We were pretty happy to see the rapid effects and we're considering moving to larger scale test until we checked back with group one.

All of the members of the group have been complaining that they now will randomly pass out in random intervals. One woman fell asleep on a train and ended up 800 miles away from her home, one gentleman fell asleep on a Bay Area Rapid Transit train and later found he had lost his behymen, twice, and so forth.

Upon examination of their mouths, we saw that their teeth had not stopped moving. Each of them had different arrangements of teeth. One person had the letter "N" spelled out, another had a map of Macau, and there was even a bust of Don Ho inside one participant's mouth.

Teeny hands, twitching and grabbing the insides of pants.

We gave them another sandwich to try and fix the problem. This time when they awoke their teeth had gone back to their proper positions but now were twice as large, prompting panic. The next day was even less encouraging. All of the men in group One who had eaten two sandwiches had their genitals replaced with baby's hands. Small hands, as if from a newborn, now protruded from where there is usually a penis and testicles. Even stranger, the women now had, instead of a vagina, a talking trout. Understandably, some people were concerned about that; we assured them that there was no way to sue us because of the waiver they had signed.

We brought a different group back in to confirm the tests and sure enough their teeth grew to twice the size, and genitals turned into baby's hands and fish respectively. It may not be working as intended, but as we researchers say "Any results are good results."

The reports of the black outs are seemingly getting worse for this group, one of our male patients passed out in mid-step, hit his head on a storm drain and choked to death on his own vomit. One woman passed out and was taken advantage of by a neighbor, and then when she called the police she passed out while she was filling out a police report and they used her in an unconscious victim marionette show down at the precinct. We've tried lessening the sauerkraut formula, but apparently you can't unsauer sauerkraut, who would have known? Even worse, the dreams the group reports are quite distressing. The men are all having a recurring dream about the baby's hands pushing out of their body and tearing the fabric of this universe to let the dark Underlord of infinite dimensionsonal nexus: Drath'eall, into our world. They also report their hands twitch and flex randomly.

The women report that the fish tell bad jokes at inappropriate times and all have developed a cockney accent and speak in cockney rhyming slang as much as possible. They all have dreams about being trout. The extra large teeth are also hindering their day-to-day life. The study feels kinda bad and has decided to double the amount of money they were going to receive to be test subjects to a total of $50.

My team of researchers are uneasy about serving up the proto-type sandwiches as the Tomato processors had been failing in virtual sandwich simulator tests, which would theoretically cause them to over-heat and set off a reaction so large only bacteria would survive the extinctive blast unleashed upon this hemisphere.

We agreed to only let them have two initial bites. After orientation and briefing about the capabilities of the Infinity sandwich, they were instructed to proceed. Surprisingly all went as intended. After the first bite each of the 15 control subjects was surprised to see that it had regenerated itself at a sub atomic level.

We had a lot of trouble corralling all of the Hobo's into one room, one of my researchers sustained a nasty bite and had to be taken to the hospital. Orientation was disappointing at best, the participants began spitting at each other when we reached to power point slides and two fights broke out. They at least seemed to understand that the Sandwich was supposed to have regenerative properties, or as the subject named "Finglers" puts it "Magic saamich done ya comin' on back saamich'!" Sadly that day's session was cut short as one of the participants managed to trip all the electrical circuits for the entire facility when he began to pee onto a power outlet in the wall of the lab, sadly he died. We were only able to identify him by the name he used on his study application: "Penis Jesus". A short service was held before his corpse was dumped into the incinerator. May peace find you, wherever you are Penis Jesus, Amen.

We are challenging group A to eat as much as they can. Some of the students had to stop after the equivalent of 5 or 6 sandwiches, but a few have gotten into the low 20's. A tremendous success for this group however each of the participants is remarking how badly the sandwich tastes. No serious problems today except for a brief moment when "Barton" of Group A winked out of existence for the span of about 12 seconds then suddenly reappeared. He looks to have aged considerably in an extremely short amount of time, going from a 21 year old to what looks like his early forties. Barton has retreated from speaking and now only rocks back and forth gently repeating "He got them all" over and over again. We paid him the $50 promised for the study and called Barton's emergency contact (his girlfriend) to come pick him up, by my scientific calculations she is an utter bitch, she wouldn't stop screaming and crying when she saw Barton and we had to have security escort her out of the building.

Overall Group A seems to have had a pleasurable experience with the sandwich.

Overnight we seem to have lost about seven of the subjects. Whether it was to hunger, the cold, a common disease, or a hobo fixated murderer we may never know/care for sure. We managed to calm the participants down enough to bring out the placebo sandwiches. "Finglers" commented that the sandwiches "Tasted islish gon' eatums!" and then proclaimed that he was the infinity King shortly before he fell over and broke the bottle of bourbon in his pocket. We had to reiterate that drinking was not allowed during the study. Another one of the participants began to cry and claim his sandwich was the devil, and that he was going to get his uncle to sue the study. This was just before participant "Hank" ate part of a sandwich, fell asleep and proceeded to catch fire. As he slept and was immolating, the other members of the group stole his shoes and other personal affects. At the time we feared he had accidentally gotten a hold of one of an actual Infinity Sandwich, but we would later find out the fire was caused by lack of hygiene and a rare venereal disease. Finglers closed the session by remarking "WHy JaBbA say mascot? Why he said say nuttin bout no sammich? Help mah teef."

After orientation and waiver signature all were briefed on the science behind the sandwiches. Most were skeptical and all of the questions were limited to how they would be paid the agreed upon $50 for the study and how long this would take effectively demonstrating the lack of manners for students at Cal junior.

Our researchers presented the sandwiches and we instructed the group to begin. After about twenty seconds all of them began to shake or convulse as well as cry.

This was taken from one of the participants experience log that they were asked to fill out after the experiment:

"-my mouth was totally flamin', I could barely see brah, you know? It was a flavor that started as something as far away and mysterious as a rogue wave breaking behind you but it rose a feeling in me, bordering on bad times. The bodacious torrents of flavors began to kick drama as I struggled desperately to maintain a good time." -Krellhauser TKE

Most of them have now lost muscular function and motor control, lying slack in their desks or fallen to the floor. It appears one of them voided their bowels. One of the researchers cautioned that we should probably call an ambulance or something when one of the patients' heart stopped. Fearing utter project failure, we waited another two minutes and sure enough something happened. The subjects' taste buds were generating a low frequency buzz (the dead guy too) that was harmonizing with the other nearby taste buds, we heard sandwichsong!

If you should eat this sandwich, your taste buds (not unlike these) are fucked. . . . Why is this picture so big?

They began to move as one group to some unheard rhythm, their arms rose to the ceiling the hum grew louder and then the moans began. Of pain of passion of desire, they called out in phonemic grunts and wails. Here is another passage taken from another participants study log:

"Our mouths had become a conduit in which we could experience on a macro-cosmic level the flavors unseen to us by the naked tongue. A conduit in which we could receive all the unadulterated love and bliss from the galaxy into our beings. Our mouths hummed in unison and the room completely fell away to an infinite plain of emotion. A world where the only sense to guide you was flavor." -Lissa

The humming remained and clothes began to be slip away from their bodies as they mingled in the warmth of each other moving like one sentient group with caressing itself and swaying gently. They began to explore each other with their mouths in a most delicate a poignant manner.

Another excerpt from a study log:

"Pretty much the best thing ever was how hastily our tongues stretched out over each other pacing quickly and desperately as if to quench a need that had burnt within us for eons. The mouth was the only tool we had now, the only means of exploration and expression, and they reached out over these expanses discovering other bodies. When mouths met I've never felt as close to anyone in my life, I completely understood them in that moment, I could only see them for them no physical attachments of preconceptions, as if the only choice after experiencing them was to accept them." -Dawn

At this point they were all spread out on the floor fellating each other or giving some of the most vociferous and zealous tongue baths I've ever seen. From a scientific perspective I told me researchers that interfering would be-

This is an artists conception of day 3 of the study.

The participants are starting to come around now regaining some of their prior memory and understanding of self. We lead them away to shower separately and returned the clothing they had discarded more than a week ago.