There is a part of me that enjoys marveling at bad games. The kitsch, and novelty of certain games are so inexcusably bad it makes you wonder if people made them at all, but rather a supercomputer coldly filled in a pattern that was supposed to represent a game and silently released it under assumed names. How could something that bad make it to market?

In finding and purveying such terrible games, Gamefly has been a great resource to sample these games at arms length. During the time I started renting these bad games, I wanted to let them know about it, and decided the best course of action would be to write to them. Gamefly works the same as netflix, you rent games online and they show up via mail, then you send em back, I have started to include these notes when I return the games through the mail, as a service to let them know which ones blow. Let me say right now I am extending an offer to help Gamefly screen their games and understand which ones suck.

Here are two recent games that were quickly sent back to gamefly.

(DC to game developers.) DC: Shit on me. Devs: You got it.

Catwoman

Release: 07/20/04

From: EA Games

Premise: You are catwoman, the fantasy of every adolescent boy. Steal things, and have an irritating feline character affectation.

Game: Repetitive and shallow, unimaginative levels/voice acting. Same bad AI inhabits this game as every other cheap Electronics Arts failure. Button mash accordingly to dispatch of hundreds of the same enemy, then you can also look forward to irritating jumping and climbing puzzles. EA managed to stretch a 2 minute movie trailer painfully into a video game.

You can't spell "Lame" without "EA".

Note to Gamefly: "Pretty lame attempt by EA. Game companies seem to treat DC franchises like a cheap escort with a cold sore. I'm not a big Catwoman fan to begin with, but this is the kinda thing that makes me want to see the whole Catwoman concept barred from games for at least 30 years. Honestly, lets see a little effort. Gamefly, I really recommend you stop carrying this title, its like if you were a Deli but you also happened to carry severed penises. They may like that in some countries but not here in America. Its just in poor taste."

Score: 3/7 Hills - "Different" attack control scheme was interesting and raised it one whole star for me, that was pretty much the only item worth noting.

All the excitement of driving, and none of the bore of parking.

Ford Mustang: The Legend Lives

Release: 04/19/05

From: Eutechnyx (pawns bought by Ford)

Premise: Drive a Ford Mustang.

Game: An excrutiating excerise in banality. No glaring problems, with par graphics and competent controls, its true failing is being painfully boring. An absolute minimum of content was put into this, you can race alone, race against a friend, and then... go back to racing alone. No flare, style, originality or anything even remotely memorable was provided.

Is this level San Francisco? Or New York? No one knows/cares.

Note to Gamefly: "Ford sponsoring its own game. Hmmm-You know if "Jimmy Dean Breakfast Products" started making a line of feminine hygene products, I'd tell people to avoid that too, so why is this any different? It isn't. I urge you to take this product out of your stock. It's painfully boring and not worth the confusion of it being mixed up with an actual racing game. Imagine hoping to get into some whiteknuckle, pulsepounding, open road action, and instead receiving the equivalent of a boiled dog vagina suspended in whydrogen peroxide. Odd concept and ultimately bland.

Score: 2/7 Hills - I wanted to give it that one star, but I'm a sucker for half decent controls, and the graphics weren't terrible.

Check back soon for more notes forced upon the poor day laborers opening envelopes at Gamefly!