Dear Electronic Arts,

Thank you for making Burnout Revenge. This game is everything I could hope for in a crash simulator. I can't think of a better way to celebrate such a unique event than with the exacting control and re-playability of a video game system. Surely there is no better time for a car-accident-sexual-fetishist to be alive than in our current age of wondrous technologies.

Cinematic Genius. Someone get Cronenberg a blowjob.

The last time my community (people who are erotically excited by car accidents) was so kindly catered too was in 1996 when the movie "Crash" opened. David Cronenberg painted a striking picture of those who get off on vehicular wrecks, with the likes of James Spader, and Holly Hunter. Short of going to destruction derbies, or camping out at "dangerous intersections" (lists are provided by your city's dept. of parking and traffic) I thought that me and my ilk were being shunned by the media. Freaks ignored by the majority for our particular tastes.

Just this last september when I was online looking for a new car, (I was in an accident last summer, thirty thousand in damages, a leg and arm cast and three people died. Oh fuck that was hot) I saw an advert for "Burnout Revenge". No sooner had I opened the banner ad, I was immersed into a crazy high speed world of multi-car pile ups, head on collisions, and a near constant, nay, permanent erection of epic proportions.

I borrowed my neighbor's car, and raced out to my local purveyor of electronics, on the way there I was so excited I sideswiped six people and proceeded to pleasure myself wheeling around turns at high speeds in a stick-shift no less, WITH a cast on my arm.

OH SWEET MOTORIZED JESUS.

When I brought the game home I knew instantly I had found my "soul-game". A medium which spoke completely to me, a game which married my ideals and needs into an interactive experience. Each crash in 5.1 Dolby sound, every smashed door and bent fender, every fire that breaks out due to necessary destruction. My eyes/loins light with an inner joy as my motorized conveyance represented on screen, careens over a median and plows into an oncoming truck; my pulse quickening and goose bumps afire. I sate myself on desctruction, and just when I think I will skid to a stop EA actually implemented a way to slow down time not only to enjoy each soul jarring collision, but to maneuver your airborne wreck into yet more trouble. I'm glad you can re-map the controls so you can steer with one hand.

Thank you EA

-Pleased Customer
7/7 Hills