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The Simpsons Enter New Territory
Movie Review posted Thu May 03, 2007: 11:28 AM by Kai

10 Subtle Movie Cliches
General Update posted Fri April 27, 2007: 7:01 PM by Kai

Betting on Relationship Longevity
General Update posted Fri April 20, 2007: 11:28 PM by Kai

Jesse's Danger Room Transcript
General Update Brown Hornet Posted Sun November 27, 2005: 10:45 AM
General Update
Transcript copy of Jesse's Danger Room Training Session 11/20/2005 16:47 PST
JESSE: 3 fights: customized grueling battles
Description: Practice Session to Prevent Future Subzero Attack
Battle Gear Utilized: Reebok Pump Black/White Size 11, Full body armor/Ben Davis jumpsuit
Control Room Operator/Spectators: Jerome, Dan, Elmer, 2 Open Seats
General Difficulty Level: 3 of 7 Hills
Added Difficulty: Lightning Bolts, avalanches, music from The Eagles [Note: Jesse really hates The Eagles]
-=START DANGERROOM SEQUENCE=-
First Fight:
Standard Generic Ninja
6-0. 200 lbs
no powers, big sword

Jesse runs up and kicks ninja in scrotum. KO Vengeance! Jesse points at Dan and Jerome then brings old gesture from mid-90's "raising the roof." Roof is momentarily raised.

Second Fight:
SubZero from Mortal Kombat II
6-2, 215 lbs
ice manipulation

Jesse uses Back, Back, High Punch to lure him in, deflects ice blasts by holding Block, causing massive bruises on already worn forearms. Jesse stumbles back and forth unable to move smooth and gracefully like his rival cartoon Street Fighter form. Jesse then uppercuts SubZero into pit, awaiting Reptile to challenge him. Unfortunately, no green fighting machine. Jesse awaits next challenge.

Hearing loudspeaker music change from VH1's greatest hit to Rap Music classic, half-Guatemalan nut stomper nods to CD changer Dan, who is also up in the Control Room dancing. Jesse notices Beef doing seldom used dance floor stunner "the sprinkler," also noting high bass in lyrics "I Ruff and stuff with my afro puffs-get on with your bad self."

Third Fight:
Ninja Gaiden
5-9, 175 lbs
extremely quick

Jesse mutters "Holy Fucking Je" before NG clips his temple with a aerial swinging elbow. They scramble for position, with Jesse faking high leg kicks then shooting in for a double leg takedown, only to get neutralized with a NG uppercut to the gut. Jesse looks up at the Control Room, motioning with his sore arms to Jerome "what the hell is going on, I can't fight this guy?" Jerome motions back "shit, dog, i thought i pressed Sub-Standard generic ninja again, this time with no sword and just a Walgreens old man walking cane for $14.99, but instead we got this.." Dan looks in amazement as two communicate with upper body sign language that looks like extreme airplane runway directions.

OPEN SEAT GUESTS ENTER: Noah Snyder and Detectorbot
Detectorbot: (robot accent) And I told the bitch to put it in her mout...
Elmer: Goddammit Noah!
(Noah spilling beer over Detectorbot)
Detectorbot: I fdg.gsvmkscsdigzzzammmph!
-=END DANGERROOM SEQUENCE=-

Next Scheduled Sequence: Grand Prix Tag Team Fighting (Fighters to be Announced)

- Jerome