Popular media has presented us with countless temptations and icons to worship with our furiously stroking hands. Through memory and repressed anger we have stored a cavalcade of vixens that fuel our imaginations. Today we focus on the maidens that exist on the other side of the good/evil aisle. The people I list are the ones that I wanted to hammer hard with the cock of repressed sexual and vehicular denial, sure people like Lara Flynn Boyle could be on the list, but to be honest in Men in Black she wasn't that hot. Today we are devoted to the villainesses who have antagonized our heroes, distributed poisons to our protagonists, and just been the thorn in the side of the plot, but we've wanted to doink harder than a party favor. These are the ladies we have wanted to bang out of sheer will of vengance and irritation. The itch under our saddle we've wanted to pin down with satin sheets and take them down a peg with dire penile tactics. These are them.




10.
Who: Alison Doody
As: Dr. Elsa Schneider
In: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Your classic "evil meets hot blonde nazi that slept with the hero and his father." She was hot then and I guess you'd still do her now, but she'd really have to push the Nazi thing, I guess we could get her an arm band and a luger , that might work. She's a bombshell of a turncoat villain, which gives her a danger element, an ingredient that can activate an erection like a hobo chasing after a sandwich. A beauty so great that the earth opened and swallowed her at the end of the Last Crusade.





9.
Who: Kelly Hu
As: Lady Deathstrike or Deathstrike
In: X2 and more importantly Marvel Comics
Her personal non-cinematic pursuits include trying to kill wolverine, harming wolverine, fighting wolverine, and losing fights to wolverine-while trying to kill him. As a comic character she's decent, flaming red hair, decent body, and an ample bosom; Where she really shines is personified by the gorgeous Kelly Hu . In X2 she may just be a tool for William Striker's greater evil, but my god I'd like to plow her like a field under communist rule. Hugh Jackman pumped her full of piping hot adamantium at the end of the X2 effectively drowning her, which is a shame because sometimes overly rough foreplay is just that.






8.
Who: Natasha Henstridge
As: Eve and Sil and Eve
In: Species 1, 2 and ugh... direct to video 3
Natasha Blonde, nude most of the time, and out to breed. Hot. I don't care if she'll probably kill me while doing it, if I died boffing Henstridge, I would die a happy man, and no one of no one would dare speak ill of me at the funeral, even if it was a closed casket. Her agenda in that movie was to screw, that's it! You figure it would have been a better film.













7.
Who: Demona
In: Gargoyles
As: A Gargoyle
Simple and straightforward, Demona played by her own rules to get whatever the hell she wanted. A willful character that begged to be tamed, by way of rough trade, and a heated banana, and possibly some nylon rope.Demona had two flavors, human and gargoyle, both humpable , one of them blue. I hope never to hump a chick that's blue, unless I'm about to toss her into the east river. As a human she's a little softer and gentler, but as garg and person she would probably kick your ass when intimate, like the female mantis devouring the male, or the female judo combatant against the crafty autistic child.

Holy Crap

6.
Who: Tricia Helfer
In: Battlestar Galactica
As: Number Six
Ahhhhhhhh number six, the sexy toaster that could. She maybe dreadfully fit, and ready to go, but lets not forget she helped kill billion of people. No one in history has helped kill more people than her, except the grim reaper. But were not talking about the grim reaper, were talking about hot blonde Tricia Helfer, who is designed in every way to appeal to your wenis. Evil and hot, just like a robot should be.







5.
Who: Kristanna Loken
In: T3
As: T-X
A prime example of hotness vs. LA. Even our dear savior Schwarzenegger had trouble taking down this wily and fuck-able killer-bot opponent. She really is just hot, her role wasn't all that special but,Kristanna has a treasure trove of hot pictures on the inter-webs, many of which you can pleasure yourself too in a manner unbecoming to a civilized person. To this day she continues to be as hot as a malfunctioning Foreman grill.

The comic version and the imaginary version of our beloved catwoman,

4.
Who: Catwoman
Classic, classy, and clearly a ho. She may not have been an all out bad guy, but she had a way of working her way over to bad forbad's sake (ie : lets steal this diamond for the hell of it). She has fit into more molds of hot than iron dildos in a fuck factory. The cat's meow in my mind has taken the shape of a pounded cervix. Mission accomplished DC, I'm ready to mount your sex all character over and over and over again, count me in as an accessory to commit buttsecs.








3.
Who: Famke Janssen
As: Xenia Onatopp
In GoldenEye (1995)
Surpassing desirable as the more than half crazy Bond chick. She turned it on more than a lightbulb tester. I hope no one is thinking about her role as dark phoenix as a villain because you're just fucking stupid. Brett Ratner should be deported for that piss poor handling of the X-men franchise. I haven't seen such backward plot lines, and regressive character development since Michael Bay had sex with Uwe Boll on a pile of dead children as they fought over the rights to the E.T. remake. Rush hour sucked, why did they let him handle such a high profile contract like X-men? Who the hell did he blow, how many times over at 20th century Fox to let him ruin this franchise like used Taco Bell on toilet paper. Why the fuck was magneto in a fucking metal basement for half the movie, beneath his base camp of hobos living in a makeshift camp ground in the pacific northwest, what the fuck was that? Why did Magneto do that to the golden gate bridge couldn't he have used the roof of a warehouse to get them over to Alcatraz so the military and the x-men couldn't walk across? Why did Rogue suck so fucking much? I bet Bryan Singer left you a huge fucking post-it-note that said "DON'T MAKE ROGUE SUCK, WHATEVER YOU DO, MAKE HER COOL, WE'VE HAD TO WATCH HER BULLSHIT FOR TWO MOVIES, LET'S HAVE HER DO ANYTHING AT ALL EVER, TO BE COOL." And Brett said, oh no, I have a better idea why don't I get drunk and turn in a script 2 hours before its due and pay no attention to why anyone likes the x-men. Fuck you Brett Ratner, I hope you get raped to death by a Range Rover.







Who: Baroness
In: GI Joe
This was a collective fantasy from ages 7-12. A pouty, foreign, dark haired, relentless badass. She knew her agenda went against American, and world interests, Baroness was in the game to win the game. It didn't matter she was always on the losing end, that helped my fantasy where she was on the losing end of a facial, or donkey punch. A dark, mean self serving witch. Man I hated her when she'd be the rock in the shoe of the GIjoe's plan, but now I look back and think it would be great to hold her down over a wheel barrow and possibly pull her hair, and slap her around a little. No, it would be great to hold her down, and slap her around a little. I could probably sell tickets to that event.

YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!oneoneoneoneeleven

1.
Who: Monica belluci
As: Drucula's Bride
In: Brahm Stoker's Dracula
A bit of a surprise? Go think about it, if you disagree, congratulations you are gay! Go celebrate, you know how. Monica Belluci exudes sexuality, and drips draughts of wild, untamed vaginal essence wherever she roams. Monica Belluci is a sex symbol that outshines a devastating nuclear blast intended for Tehran. And evil! The bride of dracula, dracul, nosferatu, vampir, this is the undead! Evil at its heart! She feasts on living blood to feed her inhuman nipples and other delectable lady parts. An incomparable goddess to place upon a pedestal of bangosity, eager to be utilized in your most extended fantasies. She by far is the hottest of ladies to excite the imagination.