Acquired: This insidius virus is striking at a vitally precious subsection of society that needs to be protected the most: our (supposedly) innocent young women. The Virus lives only in the head of the penis and is contracted through direct contact with the female reproductive organs. More and more prude women are being struck down with Tipatitis who went to a party they didn't even want to go to, were struck by their low tolerance, and ended up upstairs with that one guy who was running the keg line, and he convinced you of "Just the tip." As dumb as that may seem it works on piles of women every semester.

Symptoms:

• Break outs of warts and rashes on your legs
• Your female friends speak about you with venom
• Your breasts will point in different directions
• You will be unable to select a cute outfit, for shame!

Treatment/Cure: No known cure for Tipatitis as of yet, but the American Medical Association and Center for Disease Control have started an informational campaign called "Don't slip the tip."

Acquired: Sleeping with that one TA who was kinda cute but you only invited to your house party just so you could bang him and get full credit for a class you weren't even there for the last 2 weeks of, 'cause you totally wanted to go to Thailand. Rarely guys contract this, but it happens more commonly when the grad student TA'ing for the class is a heffer, and she had her eye on you anyway, so pork away you cow whisperer.

For the ladies, you can get extra credit by generating a pregnancy scare.

Symptoms:

• Mild discomfort at one's soul and personal respect being frittered away for free time.
• Lack of understanding what its like to accomplish something.
• Those affected by this diease remain almost completely unaware that they have it.
• Light cough

Treatment/Cure:

• Studying for once in your life.
• Closing your legs and not being such a bag of cunt.
• (Guy only) A solid high-five with some buddies over a pint and pretending the fattie TA was not fat. If one of said buddies is in the same class and calls you on the fatness level, deny deny deny.

Symptoms:

• Develop a Scottish accent
• Constant burning feeling in your mouth (a sensation some of you are familliar with)
• Have moved, or are planning on immigrating to Scotland
• Violent bouts of vomiting blood

Acquired: This disease lives in the male and female reproductive genitalia and is transmitted during oral sex to the host's throat. That's where the parasite will lay eggs, and then the eggs will hatch. The baby parasites will live in your saliva to be transferred to the next Vajay you chow down on or man-churro you service, depending on which team you bat for.

Treatment/Cure: There is a vaccine that can lessen some of the burning and milky discharges and mitigate the Scottish accent, but really the only sure method is prevention. But I can't in all good faith recommend you tone down your awesome summer by chomping any less pole or sampling fewer pink tacos.

Acquired: These tenacious little critters strike the pubic area and are tough to dissuade. Everyday more and more is being learned about this STD. As far as we know, they show up after your 12th consecutive hour of Halo, or if you run Ahn Qiraj more than three times in one day, and then after one of those, pleasure yourself to some kind of Web-Cam feed or Hentai you loser.

Symptoms:

• Anti-social behaivior
• Itching
• Fear of the sun
• Hives
• Prejeduced beliefs about women based purely off of your own fears and frustrations

Treatment/Cure:

• Prolonged exposure to the outdoors (14 non-consecutive minutes outside in the course of a week)
• Procurement of actual hobbies

Acquired: This disease can only be found in the summer workplace, and transmitted to you by co-workers apparently by any type of sexual contact. Statistics greatly increase when sexual intercourse happens at said workplace. Studies have shown that it may have been that one chick from accounting you had sex with in the supply room on your lunch break, and you had her all pressed up against this shelf and she was really into it and wailing tearing stuff down off the racks until one of shelves fell over and the janitor walked in and started yelling, then he took off so you figured why not finish up, but she's all feeling guilty about her fiancee or her kid or career or something, so she starts crying while you're still going to town-then the boss walks in with half the office looking on; it might have been that.

Symptoms:

• Un-employment
• Limited Budget
• Feeling that it was totally worth it.

Treatment/Cure:

• The body will heal itself eventually by knowing that you have to suck it up and re-enter the job market pretending your communications degree will mean something.
• Finding a way to prove you are the victim of some kind of discrimination, go for broke you Gay-Native American-Albino-Tranny.

Symptoms: 100% of the time your balls fall off and explode, like grenades in an orphanage.

Acquired: CNS is less of a Syndrome than it is a massive infection of the testicles. So far this disease has only been cropping up in Cancun, Daytona Beach, Santa Monica, and apparently wherever else MTV has hosted a spring break. Born out of the vertible cesspools of human copulation that become of spring break destinations, this ferocious Syndrome was named as such by one of the first sceintists to identify the syndrome in the wild. The same scientist also caught the Syndrome from a chick who fell off a speaker at concert and passed out in his car. He remarked after catching it "It's like Chuck Norris Round house kicking you in the nuts." before his testes fell off and exploded.

Treatment/Cure:

• Prosthetic balls

Symptoms:

• Your Nanner will smell bad for 3 about weeks.

Acquired: Most commonly acquired by having sex in a pool or jacuzzi, though cases have been documented in smaller environments like hot tubs and baths. Innocent games like "Marco Ho-lo", "Underwater Pop goes the Weasel" and even "Aquatic Put-my-tail-in-your-donkey" are resulting in StinkyVajay. Not much is known about how the disease works but scientists think it has something to do with the chlorine content of the water unleashing the inner potential of seminal fluid to corrupt the vagina.

Treatment/Cure:

• A serum to treat the harmful bacteria is being tested but the subject needs to take devastating amounts of Anti-biotics that have a high potential for putting you into a coma, the other option is having sex with genetically altered prison inamte who's seminal fluid now cures the disease. The only problem is that the prison inmate is purported to have a comically large member, and he isn't respectful towards women. He also has been in jail for 7 years and has a history of violent crime. In his words "Ladies that don' want no mo' icky in dey pussy, are gon' get toe' up!"

  The world may never know why they altered the balls of a prison inmate.

• Sideline your Hoohah for a few weeks and it should run its course.