Ambien: Kind of a misnomer in the dream analysis community, some feel that this represents restfulness, or the act of sleeping itself, but in actuality there is a type of Ambien out now (Ambien Farewell, patent pending) that is so strong it makes you dream about Ambien, and while this doesn't constitute sleep it will keep you under during a 7 hour flight, or unaware you are no longer a virgin.

American Idol: Dreaming about being on American Idol signifies that you have hidden potential and are looking for the opportunity to move forward with your innate talents. If you are dreaming about watching American Idol, then your dream life and real life are harmonizing in the fact that you are lame. If you are a dude dreaming about American Idol, then lets stop pretending and accept that you are gay, we can work on a strategy for telling your friends and family.

Blackberry: You have an obsessive need to stay in touch, most likely driven by your hereditary and socially uncomfortable (sometimes privately crippling) neediness. Most likely being needy is not your fault and dreaming an affirmation of the neediness can be written off as a call to be more active or successful in your business life, or need to bother your partner/significant other.

Blogging: Dreaming about Blogging means you can't even wait until you're awake to just to pretend people care what you ate that yesterday. Clearly no one gives a shit, otherwise you'd have people you hang out with instead of being part of a blog ring. Dreaming about reading a blog means your subconscious is telling you that reading about people does not make you their friend, but actually is a method the FBI uses to understand more about subjects on most wanted lists. Reading some one's blog in a dream can also mean you fantasize about acting out those sociopathic tendencies your school counselor told you to repress, like that bracelet of labia's you always wanted to cut from your victims, or the teeth you fashioned into an ironic toothbrush.

Camel toe: If you dream you have or are experiencing a camel toe, that means there is a big decision looming in your future, and you must choose a side. For the time being you are caught in the middle trying to find a balance, but are unaware of its taxing nature on the appearance you put out to the world.

If you dream one of your friends has a camel-toe it is a representation that you detest their whore-like existence, but secretly don't want them to stop because they make you seem less whorish by comparison.

Chuck Norris: You need to wake up right now, people only dream about Chuck Norris if he is nearby. Wake up, and get out of the house, run as far as you can, don't stop until dawn. Chuck is coming and he has never been anything but pissed and-... oh god he's standing over your sleeping body. Oh my god- he found you, oh my god don't move, stay asleep he can taste your fear, its as palpable as the souls caught in his beard.

Please don't notice please don't notice please don't notice please please please. oh god oh god oh god.

Cellphone: A symbol of power and connection. If you see a cell phone in your dreams that means there is a relative you must talk to before the week's end, or another interpretation is that you are feeling that you need to communicate more with yourself. If you have a dream about losing a cell phone that means someone you know that owns a dog will be hit by a car.

Emo (Dreamo): You dream that you are Emo. The dream consists of trendy clothing and mildly depressing situations where you talk about yourself. This is nature's way of saying: "You are worthless". Feelings of worthlessness are natural as you serve no purpose in society, naturally you should cleanse yourself with some kind of bullet.

If you see an Emo person in your dream it represents an aspect of waste in your life that you seek to remove, most commonly that you will need to take a dump when you wake up.

Hybrid Car: Dreaming about a hybrid car signifies that you feel bad about the problems in the world around you, yet feel overwhelmed to attempt to enact any change, thus a token symbol of progressiveness will help you stymie those feelings of impotence in socio-activism.

Ipod: Steve Job's clever marketing has worked and you are now accepting the fact that not only does the Ipod think its better than you, you are dreaming that it is now one of your appendages, much like a new penis. Soon you will obey your ipod, only eating and partaking in activities to please master ipod. What's that ipod? You want a Mac snack? yes...yes massa'.

Lando Calrissian: If Lando appears in your dreams under any circumstance, it means that you are awesome, even if you are a dude and see him naked, I'm going to let it go as some (mis)adventure where you foiled the Empire and ended up in the buff. Same goes with seeing Gale Sayers in your dreams, except if yourself, Gale and Brian Piccolo are having a threesome, that actually means you aren't happy with where you live, and not that you are really really really gay.

Magneto: Dreams about magneto, signify you are not so secretly disappointed with Brett Ratner's on screen abortion of the X-men universe.

Myspace: 18 and down: Your subconscious is not so much telling you that you want to be harassed by pedophiles, but more going over ways that you can get a new digital camera without having to pay for it. 18-34: You're trendy, Bfd. 35 and older: Time to bag you someone under age, lure them in with promises of digital cameras, and pay-pal dollars, then strike while the statutory is hot.

President Bush: So you have a dream about President Bush spreading the Freedom Americana around the world with a bayonet to keep our oil interests carbed, you wake up with a sweaty erection. Stop dawdling and join the military because its clear you can't make choices for yourself.

Redbull: This is a way of feeling like you are inadequate to deal with life's challenges. Redbull's appearance is your desire to be able to have enough attention and energy to complete the tedium and desperation in day to day life. That or a subself desire to try cocaine. While I don't condone cocaine use, prolonged Redbull use can't be any worse.

September 11th: Feelings of dread and loss of control. Clearly you're worried about something. Especially if you dream you are in one of the planes that hit, then there is some fucked up shit you must've eaten before you went to bed. If you dream you were flying the plane, then you are a terrorist.

Uwe Boll: To dream that you are confronted by Uwe Boll, signifies that you will defend any attacks against your interest.

To dream that you overcome Uwe Boll, denotes that you will escape the effects of some serious disaster, lest he comes to close and be swallowed in an ocean of mediocrity and poor taste.

Webcam: Women: Feelings of repression boil over and the representation makes you want to act out licentious acts of voyeurism. It could also mean you are doing, or about to do something conspicuously slutty. If you wake up ro find a strange erection in your mouth, don't panic, hopefully they'll be done soon. Men: Gay

Xbox: You wish to escape from your current reality, facing a large difficulty or decision. If you dream you are stoned, and playing xbox, then you probably weren't really dreaming, just stoned and playing xbox. For the ladies dreaming about the xbox this means you are frustrated that your boyfriend pays more attention to it than you, which is no surprise because the xbox has never once had a random mood swing that resulted in us coming home early from that bed and breakfast in Monterey that I didn't even want to go to in the first place, because you THOUGHT I said something disparaging about one of our insufferably stupid friends. You'll wake up mad after that dream, I give you free license to nag the shit out of him, go ahead you earned it.

Zits: You are greatly anticipating something. Be it wondering if that TA you slept with will help you on the mid-term, what your crazy upstairs neighbor meant when he said "SATAN WEEPS FOR YOU LITTLE MAN!" as he stole one of your potted plants, or the results to an STD test after a weekend in Haiti. It could even mean that as you sleep you are having a buildup of gas and that sometime during the night your fumes will prevent your brain from getting enough air so you wake up retarded. That's right, I conjecture its possible to fart yourself retarded.