The Internet is a boon of recruitment sites and services, but much like singles bars, or the edible parts of a nose, you have to know where to look. Here are some example of ads and how to tell when one is promising, and when the other is either a fake, or a ploy of some kind. You may not believe me now, but interview and job ad fraud is the number one source of indirect marketing, heart disease, and the worlds third largest source of captured mail order brides.

(Found on Monster.com) "Bike Messenger. Airber Messenger Services. Downtown San Francisco. 4 years experience necessary. Must be familiar with city. Friendly people, flexible hours, work outdoors. Call Harry: XXX-XXX-XXXX for appointments." Seems harmless enough but in actuality you would be delivering drugs. Watch your step rook.

(Found on Jobs.com) "Night Manager at Church's Chicken. Join the Church's team for fun and excitement! Long hours, and unforgiving clientele, but all the chicken you can manage to keep down. Interview process starts Thursday. Come on down to the church's in Alameda at around 2ish. You must graduate from Church's chicken University: CockU. Hope to see you there!"

These kidney's and partial lung possibly could have saved some ailing billionaire in singapore. Now its Churchorriffic!.

(Job Ad found on House of Ron's bargain job bin - HouseofRJOBBB.org) "Opportunity for Women (18-27)! Systems analyst. At VerveTek, Open interviews start at 1:30am to 1455 Grolk street in the industrial district on Wednesday, come un-armed. Please be professional and dress for success! Loose clothing only. Full benefits, 401k." Of the three this is the only one that seems promising. I mean, full benefits AND 401k, can't lose.

There's only one thing you can do to ensure that you can get a call back, Lie. You're going to need to stand out to the petty passive-aggressive manager reading your resume, and the way you're going to do that is by pretending you have anything to do with the field your applying for. I'll let you in on a little secret: Lying is the cornerstone of the managerial shanty. Call your friends up and get them to change their answering machines so it sounds like they are actually a manager for something.Make up prior experiences to places that went out of business, or better yet, never existed. Remember to adjust your resume towards the places you are applying to. Don't worry if you lack any nursing experience to become a nurse, they won't be able to tell the difference on paper. Think you can't get that job as a schoolteacher without a diploma? Nothing a good printer, and a picture frame can't cure. The world is your oyster, you just have to crack it open with a wedge of deceit, and drive the hammer of falsehoods home to shatter the shell of integrity, so you may sup on the quivering and ill gotten innards.

This is the face of everyone who will interview you, ever. Now pucker up.

Here's the thing, every middle management HR tool enjoys having their ass kissed. Knowing this, you need to go in there ready for a lipular embrace to the posterior. Bruce Lee taught us that water can conform to any surface, absorb any strike, and crush like a mighty wave. You must become morally destitute water, feel out the shape of what the interviewer is looking for, then become it. Agree with all the comments, lie your balls off about the inquiries, and when you bring the lips to the big boy's bottom, bring it hard and fast. People are petty, and if they can't be bought with compliments and smiles, then you might try bringing like $50 bucks with you to bribe the guy. And if you're really after this job, try $100 maybe? For those entrepreneuring ladies, you should arm yourself with some breathminths and a few gag-suppression lessons; please don't pretend you're offended by that either, if you're looking at ways to lie your way into a job then how well woven can your moral fibers be.

Maybe you want to try and get a handle on where your interviewer is headed with some of his jargon. Most of the people you encounter wont actually be flashing the standard buzzwords around, and get you to leverage the current market framework, to empower sustainability. But this low key guide might be able to help you out more than a rubber fist caught in a birth canal.

So you landed the job. We're all surprised you did it, but what do you do now? You're in a brand new field, and you lied your way all the way there, hell if you know what you're doing. Don't panic, whatever it is, you can probably bs your way through a few days and pick up what you need to know. After hours you also may want to try and brush up on a few of the fake skills you said you fake had in the first fake place, you faker. In all seriousness you can learn a lot from the inside out, and besides whats the worst that could happen not knowing anything about what you're supposed to.

Oh...right. Well I mean in the long run Brownie is a great example of being dangerously under qualified. What you do once you get the job is really your problem.