Background: A show dedicated to the cheap thrill of exposing unfaithful partners in sham relationships. If you like watching a clueless blue collar husband, view grainy surveillance footage of his wife blow whatever got caught in the pool filter that week, and then see the bare knuckled conclusion-This show is for you. Host Joey Greco is a pillar of the American TV community; a role model, a patriot, and can start shit faster than exlax.

Structure: The opening segment introduces us to the contestants. The men and women who frequent this show share a common IQ with paint, and have as much self-esteem as a 14-year-old girl who just lost her virginity to an opportunistic gym teacher. Their roles are cast as either cheator or cheatee; the detectives go to work, and you are launched head first into handy cam surveillance of the suspects being tailed into clubs and public parks. Repetitive footage of these actions goes on for several monotonous minutes. This culminates towards the end of the program when Mr. Greco shows the collected recordings of the cheating party (usually highlighted by sequences of them ingesting genetic material) to their jilted lover. Then its on like Donkey Kong. The cages are opened and the cheated on party is armed with video evidence of infidelity and backed by a 12-man compliment of security guards. Boring Intro, boring surveillance, awesome confrontation.

Bets: Lets not bullshit each other; the only reason you might be watching this show is because you had a few to drink. In that the case I'll break the categories down to you simply. The only thing worth betting on is the confrontation; just like the whole point to foreplay is sex, the whole point of the football season are the playoffs, and the whole point of closing windows is to learn from Eric Clapton. So here are your categories:

Background: Women compete to become America's next soulless corporate shill. Tyra banks (having declared herself queen of all models) rounds up a gaggle of starved bitchy women, and her highness picks who receives a modeling contract. Because as we all know the infallible logic of celebrity models is completely capable of discovering talent. Most of these ladies wont get that high powered agent and dream career, for them its either blowing modeling execs for magazine spots, or blowing on camera for porn. That's right, march on ye vixens, either path to thine destiny (in the shallowest of careers) doth arrive at the business end of a wiener.

Structure: The competitors sit there and get their photographs taken in various stages of undress; then Tyra Banks and a bevy of other emaciated skeletons pull reasons out of their asses on why and why not the person in question has "it". Finding an activity in your own life that is equally as futile and asinine is pretty hard, but you can get close by electing one of your pets as "king of the living room" based on the flavor of their eyes.

Bets: The bulk of this show is the women being interviewed, and footage of the contestants bitching at each other. Naturally the best paying lines have nothing to do with the actual modeling.

Background: Idiots are unleashed upon a course of obstacles across the face of the earth. Yet another reality TV show that relies heavily on "challenges" to keep us entertained. Nothing is more of a cop out than seeing people complete these insipid and painfully boring challenges in place of actual content. It is beyond me to understand how this passes as television. The crack staff of producers who sit around and dream up the challenges have decided America should watch a group of functioning retards stumble through a ropes course or try and solve a treasure hunt style riddle hidden through out Budapest. Now you can't flip through channels without seeing someone belay down the side of a cliff, or eating something on a dare just to move onto the next challenge.

Structure: At the beginning of the season all the contestants start in random country x. They then move from country to country solving riddles to eventually make it back to the USA. One big problem I have is that all the participants are in pretty much the same place at the same time. 70% of the of the show is watching these people hustle out of the checkpoint to a taxi or to their next clue. At the end of the day they are pretty much lumped together again. To me this is like watching all those people from elementary school you hated, the kids that would run to the door to line up to go to recess first. A show glorifying those Anal Retentives isn't something I exactly savor. If I wanted to watch a bunch of Assholes in a hurry I'd stand in line at Starbucks.

Bets:

Background: Hands down the best dating show on the market, mainly for the fact that it has the least to do with dating. Four women are rounded up and agree to group date a man, after each commercial break he will eliminate one of them until the most outlandish and slutty of the women surfaces; The epitome of misogyny, or as my pappy always said: "like a man-whore let loose on a Ho farm". The men featured on this program whom could aptly double as scarecrows or pre-processed dog food, manage to ask dreadful questions about dating habits, hobbies, and sometimes thinly veiled euphemisms about sex. Then take the knowledge they have garnered and try to make decisions about who they would like to have remain on the date. Luckily the double standard in this country kicks in, and the women who have been groomed from their childhoods to feel competitive with each other begin to get pissy and vicious. It could be, (and often is) the dumbest most homely looking excuse for a guy you've ever seen, but once the women start jockeying for position, loudly decrying each others style of dress, and acting like general disasters of femininity there is no stopping them.

Structure: A single man eliminates three of four women, and then he goes home with the winner (or loser based on how I look at it). Time restrictions call for the people to speak in broad generalizations about themselves, or come up with crude logic why they are better than the next girl. As if these people already weren't destitute of enough logic all of the "dates" involve drinking. This is like giving a retarded dog a lobotomy, funny, but ultimately unnecessary.

Bets: