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Posted Tue November 29, 2005: 8:33 AMGeneral Update
In the next generation of combat, many of us forget that some of the best weapons at our disposal aren't necessarily the most advanced. In Iraq trying to combat the insurgent forces there with the top of the line equipment has its drawbacks and massive range of expenditures. That is why the Infantry Suicide Bomber can give the United States a way to even the playing field. By using their own techniques against them, the insurgents will surely become confused and despondent. This job is only for those who are secure in their patriotism, and have a level 9, or House Majority Leader, level of liberty. Here are some duties of an Infantry Suicide Bomber:
This brand new field of light infantry is highly maneuverable, and is designed to be implemented at a moments notice. This is the ultimate way to defend your country. If you ever wanted a chance to show up that grandfather who was in Korea, or Vietnam, this is your chance. Here are a few scenarios the ISB (infantry suicide bomber) might encounter. Example 1:
A group of suspected insurgents is gathering at a street corner. ISB in mild camouflage approaches group.
ISB: Greetings Friends have you seen anything suspicious today?
Suspicious person: (speaking in foreign language)
ISB: -detonation-
This example which clearly demonstrated the presence of terrorists, shows the great need for quick and sometime immediate use of force. As a note this was from field data from forces in Fallujah. The school that they were standing in front of was damaged, and pending a court martial it will prove even further that they were actually terrorists and not children. Example 2:
A known Al-qaeda operative is standing in a long line to sign up to become part of the fledgling Iraqi Defense force. He may pass sensitive information on to operatives in the country.
ISB: (Approaches Al-qaeda operative) Hello, signing up to help out the defense force?
Operative: Why yes, yes I am. Praise Allah so many have turned out to help.
ISB: Hey you look like someone I know.
(their eyes lock)
Operative: (reaches for his own bomb trigger)
ISB: -detonation-
Through careful field tests, Army intelligence now estimates that while we might kill a few insurgent footmen, we also may be able to take out their suicide bombers before they strike. This example demonstrates that if we can't save those people standing in that line, we might as well kill them first, with American made weapons, just like god intended.
As an added bonus there are quite a few perks alloted to this new position when you sign up. Before you ship out the recruitment camp you get a three week vacation to puerto vallarta, your wife and children will become wards of the state, your name will be engraved on a super special plaque in the hall of Ultimate Patriot Heroes in Shadow Washington D.C. and you are assured a place at gods table with a plentiful bounty of virgins awaiting you. Hope to see you soon. |
